This is kind of long. Sorry. So there was this school trip. I met this guy and I really liked him. He was all charming and sweet and all of the things I couldn't help but fall for. Close to the end of the school year I told him I liked him. On the last day of school he asked me out. But he didn't ask directly, he let his friends do it. I told them to tell him "I don't know" because I'm not allowed to date. By the time it got to him it was a straight up "no." So my five year plan was ruined. For the rest of the day I felt like I wasn't allowed to talk to him. Which really sucked, because for some reason (which might have to do with the fact that the entire internet thinks I'm severely depressed) in the few months that I'd known him I'd become really dependent on him. I tend to be needy, but I'm working on it. So a few days after school ended I was talking to my best friend over the phone and he called me (I had written my number in his yearbook before the last day of school) and I ignored it because I didn't know who it was. Then he texted saying that it was him and that he'd tried to call me. We talked and it was all just like it used to be. Then my friend told me to ask him if he liked me. So I did. He said yes. We moved on. In the middle of summer he told me and the friend that he'd gotten a girlfriend. My friend got mad and said that I would be mad. I explained to them that I wasn't mad. I didn't tell him that I was actually just really hurt. But it made stuff awkward when his relationship with this girl became kind of off and on. I was already sick of not having anything to do and being left alone with my own thoughts, so this predicament was not exactly helping. Over the summer I felt super depressed but my parents thought it was just hormones. Is wishing I'd never been born since April just "hormones?" Anyway, this same boy got me an apology ring because he felt bad about getting a new girlfriend (all though he never actually gave it to me) and we went back to being friends. Then he started getting really distant and stuff. So I stopped bothering him because I thought I'd driven him away like I do everyone. We used to fight often over silly things, and he never seemed to understand why I got mad at him for insulting me and said sorry only because he wanted me to shut up about it. And I forgave him because I knew if I held onto it I would stress myself out a lot more than necessary. Then school came back. He broke up with his girlfriend. There was a whole week where everyone missed school for weather reasons. Then he made the unforgivable mistake. My friend (the one who told me to ask if he liked me) told me that he made her cry. Looking back I think I could have been more civilized. He blackmailed my friend into keeping a secret about his sexuality. He threatened to tell everyone about a tragedy she had recently gone through and started telling her all of the things he would tell people if she didn't keep the secret. I sent him a very angry text and told him never to talk to us ever again unless he had the best apology EVER. I didn't expect him to actually listen to me. He's avoiding me, so I'm avoiding him. The sucky thing is that I actually kind of miss him. I won't tell his secret, though. I'm not completely ruthless. Every time I see him I stare, but he never looks at me. He walked by me on my way to class today. I literally had to scrunch my arm up to avoid touching him. We were the only two in that part of the hallway. He didn't even look at me. I made a point to roll my eyes at him. He used to call me from the other sude of the hallway just to say hi. Did I mess things up THAT bad???
