Hi, my name's Jay and this is my first post here. I just have a bit of a story that I haven't really told anyone apart from those really close to me, but what better place to do so than an anonymous online forum. Before I start I just want to clarify that I live in Britain, so some of the concepts in this (such as the school system) may seem a bit strange, so I apologise for that. Well, here we go, this is a story about a girl who I really liked, but in the end, it never happened between us. For arguments sake, I'll call this girl Lucy: that isn't her real name.
Me and Lucy had always been friends, since the start of High School (6th Grade for you), but I would never say we were that close. In Year 8/7th Grade we sat next to each other in a few lessons, so we started to grow close to eachother and would talk a lot. It was never about anything that serious. Year 9/8th Grade was when we really started growing closer. I got her phone number at the end of the year before, so we started talking a lot over text messages. It would never be about anything that serious at the start, but as it progressed, after a few months me and Lucy would talk about more. We had this ability to be happy and relaxed one minute, but talk about something serious the next, like a couple would. Around this time, I started to seriously get feelings for Lucy. Maybe she did for me. I'll never know. It was weird, in a sense that we didn't talk too much at school, but every evening we would just talk and talk. After a few months, she told me some very serious secrets about things that had happened to her. She would also tell me about her anxiety, and I tried my best to help her with it. From this point onwards, it looked like we were destined to be a couple, and I was wondering when I should ask her out. I was sure she would accept. Right at this time, Lucy's phone broke which meant that we couldn't talk as much. That was an obstacle, but I thought that we could overcome it. But it didn't happen. We just grew further apart by the minute and I knew it. I got desparate, and I tried to get her attention in school, but it wouldn't work. Maybe the final nail in the coffin was that she got a new group of friends. I was good friends with her old group, but her new group were the exact opposite. They were 'popular' girls, who were generally horrible to people, I would never think she would associate with people like that. Keep in mind that I'm not very good looking or popular, but I like to think I'm a good person which I why I have a good group of friends. Me and Lucy grew further and further apart. By the end of the year, we rarely talked. Sometimes, we will still have a joke or two to each other, but in the end, we never have the conversations we used to. Lucy's changed, she thinks of herself above her old friends. I'm partly to blame as well though. At one point, I shouted out quite an embarrasing joke about Lucy and another boy who liked her. She seemed a bit upset by this, but I apologised. This incident took place a few months after her phone broke. So, that's it. A year on, I guess I've got over it a bit more, but I still have doubts and regrets. I just wish I had asked her to date me.
They say it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. So, maybe that's how I should think. Anyway, tell me what you think about this. Is it my fault, is it her fault or did we just get unlucky. Congratulations if you've read this far, it dragged out longer than I've planned. So, my advice is, if you have any doubts, just try, what's the worst that can happen. Take a risk, you never know what might happen.
