+11 votes
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in Fanfiction by (350k points)

You're not much better than anyone else.

You're the same, and everyone knows it.

You are not special. You bleed, like everyone else.

But unlike everyone else, you don't let that fact stop you.

 

I turned around rather sharply. "Tom's not a murderer." I said.

Lucas sighed and said he knew. I sat on Hagrid's oversized seat and tried to wrap my head around it. Would Tom be sent to Azkaban for something he didn't do? Toby was still on the run from the law, but he told me he would turn himself in as soon as this whole Handison ordeal was over, if it ever was.

I had grown up in the past few weeks. I didn't feel like a little weak 16 year old anymore, I felt like I had matured. I had seen a lot of things, gone through a lot of things... yet I wasn't any stronger. Come to think of it, I was feeling rather woozy. But I decided to hide it, hoping it wasn't the effects of my blood curse.

"We're gonna go see Tom," I said.

 

 

We went back to where McGonagal had claimed we wouldn't be seeing Tom anytime soon. I hold Lucas's arm, and pressed my ear against the door. I could hear fervent whispering, but nothing more.

I swore, and Lucas gave me a slight punch. It didn't hurt, but I could tell he didn't approve.

From behind me, I heard a voice.

"Abernathy?"

Glancing about, I saw a familiar  face. "Kuso?" I asked, trying to stay quiet. He glanced at me and commented on how tall I had gotten. It had been almost 5 years since I had last seen him, and now he was looking like he was in his late twenties. 

"Hey, sweetie," he said. "You heard about Malfoy?'

"Which one?"

"Your Malfoy. No, not Lucas, Tom." he corrected himself.

Lucas stared at him. but Kuso was unbothered. He knocked softly on the door, and the whispers stopped. "May I speak with Tom a moment?" he asked. A few disgruntled sounds came from the room, but he walked in anyway.

"He's not a professor!" I said. "He doesn't have the right-"

But Kuso has started talking, and I leaned in to listen.

 

 

We had been encouraged to leave.

Lucas was slightly annoyed, which was odd for me to see. As we walked slowly down to Hagrid's cabin, the sounds and sights of night creeped over us. We mostly walked in silence, but Lucas ended up starting a conversation outside the hut before we went inside.

"We should go get him." he said.

"Do you really want to get in trouble?" I asked.

"I don't know, but he's not a murderer." 

I blinked. "But what if he really did kill him?"

"He didn't," said Lucas strongly, and I dropped the subject. I didn't believe Tom had killed his own roommate. But recently, Harry Potter's son and Tom's half brother had both arrived at Hogwarts. Maybe something in him snapped, maybe-

No. Tom would never.

I sighed, and sat down on the hut's large steps, each as big as a picnic table's benches. Lucas sat down beside me. 

"Thanks for sticking with me." he said.

I glanced at him. "Of course I would."

"I don't want to be a burden," he added.

"You're not," I assured him. "I love you. You could never slow me down."

'Asia," he said quietly. "When are we ever gonna get married?"

The question hit me rather hard. "I don't think now is the right time. After everything dies down, then we can."

"But... but what if the curse has killed you by then?" Lucas asked suddenly.

I sighed. I decided not to bring up the fact I had been feeling sick. I had felt like the burden to everyone, being too weak to stick up for myself. I wanted to change that. Lucas had protected me all his life, and I felt like I hadn't done nothing for him.

I leaned in to him, hands holding his. And as the light from Hagrid's hut got clearer and night fell, I kissed him for the first time.

 

"Huh?" I woke up that morning, rubbing my eyes. Hagrid was making some breakfast, and Lucas was lying on the couch, me on the bed, I glanced at Hagrid, a question on my lips, and he said,

"Yer two fell asleep outside, on the stairs, so I brought yer in."

I glanced over at Lucas, and smiled. 

 

 

 


I know how bad I am at writing romance. Did I do okay?




2 Answers

+1 vote
by (890 points)
Here's a little bit of critiquing as requested:

The dialogue seems fine, but there's little detail on how the characters interact with the scene when they speak. Having a character pace around or cover their face in stress adds to immersion.

They wouldn't just be frozen stiff while they talked to one another, right?

Also, I noticed a few of the sentences tend to run on. Spacing is something that's hard for most writers, just remember to read it back to yourself multiple times.
by (350k points)
Hey Basking.

Silens I chapters are always my first drafts. I usually don't reread, like I do with other stories.
by (415k points)
Same, I don't reread either. I never reread because I have trouble with reading ): So that's why Queeny wants to be my "editor", should I expect? DUN DUN DUN!
+1 vote
by (415k points)
This was a great chapter! I'm kay at romance, I had a lot of practice because all I use to write was romance...looking back, wow I was a hopeless romantic LOL. Anyways, great story! Will write tomorrow!



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