If you know me, I've been online schooled since I was seven. What's online school? Okay, like home school, 'cept more isolating you could say. Anyways, this year I'm going to regular school, but for some reason I really want to go but emotionally I can't prepare for that. Like, it seems like it'll be a blast, and everything bad would happen. But everything bad has already happened, so might as well.
I feel kind of lonely, and most times I'm really bored, because my only two options are read something or watch something. I've never gotten bored of watching YouTube, but recently I've been kind of stopping watching YT because it started boring me. It's all too boring, and recently I just didn't have the motivation to write, which I do believe is a sad phase. And reading? Well, when I read, I want to write. Not wanting to write makes me not wanting to read.
And gosh, my school, right now I want to be good in school but honestly, I can't imagine having to even prepare myself for what my last year of middle school will be like. I'm worried about what people would think about me, but my main worry is what if I'm too dumb for school? Like, right now I'm kind of doing school but it seems really easy. My dad says if I want something where I'm told what to do then I won't know what to do in the real world. Ahem, but here's where is idea is flawed.
In the real world, you have co workers, and you have to work together with other people. Me on the other hand, I can't even work with someone else in the room without feeling stressed out because I'm so in need for isolation yet I don't enjoy it. It's almost like a drug, just as bad. Anywho, I don't know, it seems like the right option for my emotional well being, physical well being, and my future self's well being. I know which school I'm going to, and the high school I'm going to, I just don't know if I can take it. Sure, maybe I'll get used to social contact, but I feel like I'll have panic attacks all the time.
like, when I went to a regular school for it's choir for the first time I had an anxiety attack. It was really too much just to be in a classroom with ten other people without my parents. Now, I don't have an anxiety disorder (or, I've never been to any doctor to know anyways) but I always have anxiety attacks and I'm always really anxious. It's just something I feel like regular school will fix for me, and not only that but make me job ready, and I'll have a better grade score.
I just don't know how to prepare.
