/TW/ - binding, trans, dysphoria, bruises, pain
“You know binding while playing is unsafe... you could have been hospitalized! We could have lost our star libero, and even worse, a good friend.” Noya’s voice cracked on the words. “I’m sorry...” he forced out feebly. “I did everything I could to hide. To just be another one of you.” He choked slightly “and now I screwed it all up-” Suga put a strong hand on his shoulder as the tears began to fall. “You’re safe with me, Noya. I promise I won’t tell.” he confided. “But you have to promise me you won’t ever bind during practice or a game, ever again.” “Not bind...?” Noya eked out, looking queasy.
“I’m sorry, Noya, but the way you do it just isn’t safe. I’m glad it’s not bandages, but the way you have them layered like that can’t be good for your lungs. Are you bruised?” Noya’s hands slid lower on his ribcage. “No...” Suga probed gently. “Are you sure? You looked like you were in a lot of pain out there.” Noya slowly let his hands drop, revealing shades of purple-green, black, and red that smattered his ribcage and collarbones, partially covered by layers of sports bras that seemed to be constricting his lungs. Suga gasped. “Nishi, why would you do this to yourself?” “The mental pain I feel not wearing them is worse...” he said, turned away. “Oh, Noya,” he sighed worriedly. He thought for a moment, then unzipped his gym bag. “Here,” he said “Take my spare shirt, and change out of the layers. It’ll be big so hopefully it’ll cover up anything you don’t want people seeing. Change in the dark, with your eyes closed if you need. I care about you, Nishi. Please take care of yourself.” He nodded feebly, but when he tried to stand up, his knees gave out. Suga broke his fall and asked him if he wanted to lean on him. Noya nodded vaguely. “I’ll take you to the bathroom so you can change in a stall.”
They slowly made their way to the boys’ room, where Noya sank to his knees and pulled Suga’s clean, white shirt over his chest. The tears wouldn’t stop- the pain, the relief, the dysphoria, they pounded him like waves threatening to drown him. Suga quietly asked if he was ready to go. Noya unlocked the stall, and he helped him to his feet. He splashed chilling water on his face, and replied that he wanted to stay in the bathroom a little bit longer. “Can you walk?” inquired Suga. Noya took a tentative step, and nodded. “I think so.” “Alright, is it okay if I leave to tell Daichi you can’t play the rest of the match?” “O- okay” breathed Noya. He
walked wobblingly to the bleachers, where Suga met him with a cold water bottle. Suga whispered to him that he had something he wanted to tell him at the end of the match, but he needed to ask a question first. Noya agreed, and they cheered louder than anybody for the rest of the game. At least, that’s how it seemed to them.
