You are a good writer, and I do like the story. If I don't seem too nitpicky, I'd like to give some tips on formatting, since this is a little hard to read.
First off, paragraphs. This is more important than you think. While indenting on here, I have no idea how to do it, not without copy-pasting at least. But to create paragraphs, it's just enter/return. Stories have a new paragraph whenever you either change the time (ie, "A few hours later..."), place (ie, "At Stacy's house...", speaker (ie, when you have a conversation, after one person has said whatever, and someone else is speaking, you need a new paragraph), or when you change the topic (ie, you go from talking about someone's fear to their current actions). TPST, however, there are other acronyms. Whenever one of those occur, you need a new paragraph. It will keep it organized and can help the reader distinguish different speakers. Also, you should never have "blah blah blah" "blah blah blah", you should have either a speaker tag (ie, Alexie said,) or you should start a new paragraph to show someone else speaking.
Second, I'm not sure why you have words in just apostrophes. (single quotation marks). I've seen some people use them to show somebody thinking, and I think you were going for that. To show someone thinking, try italics instead. It's a more professionally used way to show thought, and more clear. On KidzTalk, it's just the "I" button on the top, or ctrl + I. I also recommend using italics for emphasis too. italics are used more commonly in books to express emotion rather than all caps. And in books, only one exclamation point is needed. For "!?!?!?!?!?!!?", try just "!?" instead, and rather than focus on using punctuation to show emotion, try using your words to show how emotional someone is.
Otherwise, not bad. Try using these though, it will make your story easier to read, and it will look more professionally presented.
