+8 votes
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                                                                                |chapter one|

 

 

Dear diary

This morning I shivered as I remembered that the test was today and I hadn't studied! 'Oh why didn't mum confiscate my phone!' I thought.Charlie was already eating breakfast when I came down 'hello, Miss.OhWhyDidntMumConfiscateMyPhone!'He said then mimicked my voice 'oh please mum don't confiscate it please I swear I will do my homework first!' I was to busy to retaliate  because I was thinking of an excuse for my parents when they asked why I didn't get good grades 'hmm maybe, I was so worried that I forgot to lock the door of my brain's room and he went out?'I wondered.Suddenly there was a load bang! I was so surprised that I screamed then mum called down 'Sasha don't scream, I now look at what you've done Molly has just started crying!' 'Oops, sorry mum!'


3 Answers

0 votes
by (1.41m points)
Other people thought this was bad, but I liked it. Don't listen to the haters because your chapter was very interesting and descriptive.
+2 votes
by (185k points)
It's good but you could improve on puctutation and quostations. I can't really understand what character is saying what. But it's really good.
by (110k points)
+1
yea! and remember to space words apart
by (1.41m points)
that is rude
+1 vote
by (110k points)
i can barely understand this
by (1.41m points)
that is really rude

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