Here is the legend of the lumber clause!
There once was a man named Guu, he was a big buff guy with huge biceps. He was married to a buff lady named Oona. They had 4 kids. Guu and his family lived in a little shack in the Australian desert. They had little food, and all the neighbors moved away because they were scared of his buffness.
Oona and Guu had enough of living this poor life, so Oona traveled to the nearest city, which was days away. Once she got there, she bought a bag full of magical seeds. She traveled back to her family. They planted the seeds carefully in the ground. And even without water, the seeds grew into giant trees. These trees weren't ordinary trees, they each had a door in them.
Guu went in one door, Oona went into another, and the 4 kids waited outside the doors. In Oona's door she found a quiet forest with a little puppy. The puppy ran and Oona followed until the puppy lured her to a giant spider web. Oona couldn't escape. She was stuck.
On the other hand Guu was in a big dark area. Nothing to be seen. Then he heard a voice.
"Guu, you are destined to be the next Santa Clause." The voice says. Guu looks around in confusion as to where the voice came from.
But Guu did not want to be a Santa Clause. He wanted to be a normal guy living with his family. Then an image of Oona trapped in the web shows up on the ceiling.
"Be Santa Clause and Oona will be released." The voice says.
Guu know what he must do but first he asks the voice, "Do I at least get a break before i start?"
"Yes, you may," responds the voice. Guu ran to the door and opened it.
He could feel a beard growing in already. Guu did not want to be Santa Clause. He opened Oona's door and she got out safely. Then he made an interesting decision. He chopped down the magical trees with the doors.
All of a sudden Guu felt like the world was shaking and everything went blurry. He passed out. He woke up in his bed and immediately went to a mirror. The tree's magical abilities must have messed up when he chopped it down. Guu had grown a full purple beard and was wearing lumberjack clothes. This wasn't Santa Clause?!!! This was... Lumber Clause. He went to his dresser and opened the drawer. Inside were a bunch of axes and a pile of woodchips. Then his instincts kicked in. He know what he has to do. The magical tree must have given him this. He grabbed his bedsheets and made it into a sack. Then he filled it to the top with woodchips. Guu grabs all the axes and tosses them in a bag too.
Then Guu goes around to every house and breaks in through their window with an axe. He sneaks downstairs and puts woodchips in all the little naughty kid's stockings. Guu puts a free axe and dentures in every good kid's stocking.
When Guu returned home his family awaited him. Guu knew he was the Lumber Clause and he would be forever. Checking all the naughty and nice lists, delivering all the woodchips, axes, and dentures to all the kids of the world. Let's just say the kids were dissatisfied on Christmas morning with an axe in their stocking. But they soon got accustomed to it and instead of Santa Clause, they had Lumber Clause! And the Lumber Clause still delivers axes to the little kids of Australia and all the world. The end.
Sorry that was extremely long. I hope you enjoyed it!
