It's not just you. You're not alone at all.
This is one of those difficult things to figure out, and it can take a long time because it's more complicated than it seems at surface level, because it involves more parts of life and personality than just "trustworthiness." It involves what you think trustworthy means, what someone else thinks trustworthy means, and you and another person think or assume about each other.
For example: people will always make mistakes and fail, so one of the things you, hopefully, learn as you mature is how to tell the difference between failure and betrayal. If you break apart with someone just because they failed, that's a more of betrayal that you're committing against them if they are your friend. However, if someone is constantly wronging you and using the excuse that they "just made a mistake," then there is a good chance they are manipulative and lack integrity and will act out a real betrayal against you the first chance they get.
It's also really important to pay close attention to ensure you are not placing more stock into a relationship than the other person is, and that you're not placing more weight on the relationship than it is mature enough to carry. People who try to desperately to rush into a deep friendship or relationship of any kind are asking for trouble. It's like going into the gym for 3 weeks and then assuming you can just walk over and lift 500 lbs. It's not that it's impossible; it's that you haven't put the time in that's required to reach that level.
You can never be 100% sure that a person will never betray your trust in some way, but you establish a few, slow, time-tested relationships based on mutual trust anyway because it is the courageous thing to do, and because a life with those relationships is a hundred times better than a "safe" life with zero deep connections. Yes, it is naive to simply trust a person. Yes, it is smarter and safer in the short term to stay fully guarded. However, it is the bravest and most rewarding to fully understand the possibility of betrayal, and choose to take that risk with a few special people anyway --remember they are taking the same risk with you.
The last two things:
- Be the kind of friend you want to have.
- Tell the truth.
1. I've seen a dozen people all call each other friends, but any time some of them were not in the current group, the current group would say mean things about the people who weren't there. Unsurprisingly after only a few rounds of this, girls start telling on each other and then quite literally everyone is mad at everyone else for talking bad about them, and not one of them was innocent. Every single one of them did the thing that they were mad at the others for doing. So, don't say things about someone that you're not willing to say to their face, and don't encourage other people to act in a mean way toward other people. Life is hard enough on its own.
2. Speaking of saying things to someone's face. You need to tell the truth. You need to learn how to be nice about it, but you've got to make it a personal rule that you do not lie. There are lots of really practical reasons for this, but as it pertains to trusting people and establishing good deep friendships, telling the truth kindly is the best way to do that. Why? Because, some people get mad when you tell the truth, and you do not want those people in your close circle. People who cannot tolerate the truth, even when it's delivered kindly, are willing to lie to themselves, and that means they're willing to lie to you, and you cannot have a real, deep relationship with anyone if either of you is willing to lie. It is the most basic example of a betrayal of trust. If I am willing to lie to you, it means I do not trust you with the truth, which also means we don't have trust between us even before I say a word.
So, kindly tell the truth and let those who can't be trusted reveal themselves quickly. It will make you a better person and put distance between you and the people you don't need dragging you down. The people you can trust are the ones who are there for you when you need help and aren't out to get something in return.
Sorry if you did not want a novel, but I stand by every word, and I hope it's helpful.
