Venting PT.1

Question

Okay so, I'm just gonna vent/rant here. When i use the word you or variations of it its supposedly my mind talking to me. It may get kind of long so yeah here we go:

Okay, I've got so much to say but dont know where to start. Oh I've got it!

I'm just wondering who else wakes up in the morning and just cant do it. Like you cant put that fake smile on your face and pretend everything's okay or that your fine. But you do it anyway. Because what else are you gonna do let them know. You can handle yourself , at least that's what you think. You need to pull your own weight you not someone else's responsibility. If knowing that I'm hurting hurts you then you wont know. Just smile, laugh, joke they'll never know. They wouldn't care if they did. Who would care nobody does. Just walk it off. Just react. Just put on the mask.  They'll never know.

I cant get out of bed, I mean what's the point for you to make another mistake, for you to cry again? Weak. When I try to explain to anyone it's just the good old  "God is in control" "I feel sad too" "I know exactly how you feel"  I DONT CARE! I dont care about doing any of this I just want it to be over! I just wanna truly feel happy i just wanna smile again i just wanna be the person that i used but, NO! I cant do that. The person that i used to be is too far now. It's all my fault! Your friends are in terrible condition because of you. You cant trust anyone. You cant love anyone.

It's your fault you baby brother isn't here. My parents dont love me. My teachers hate me. My family thinks I'm scum. But hey, somebody had to take the pain, somebody had to make others be happy and look good, somebody had to be born to go to hell. So I guess that "somebody" is me. So be happy other people are happier because your living like this. Besides what's one little persons death gonna do, chang the world? That life was meaningless. But at the same its, why me, Why did "God" choose me, why did it have to be me, Why WHy WHY! I WANT SOME ANSWERS WHY DOES THE BAD STUFF ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME! WHY WAS I CHOOSEN! WHU DID I HAVE TO BE EVERYONE ELSES PUNCHING BAG! WHY! WHY DID I GET THE RUSTY SHOVEL?! HUH!? And then they say, "I know this might be hard but you'll get through it." MIGHT be hard?! And what if I dont get through it, what if I end it before that? Who else would care, who else would know who else would notice? HUH!? Tell me WHO ELSE!?

Your on you path to redemption and rehabilitation just fix your body first. "Goodness your fat" "You sure are packing on some weight" "How much do you eat" "That's an unhealthy amount of food for a girl" "Bet your the fattest kid in school" "PIG" "COW".       Okay, you can fix this, I can fix this. Just lose weight. Stop eating. Eat less. All good.

Then mom starts talking. "Why cant you just be normal. Your no good. You just had to be quirky.  I hate that your my daughter. I wish you were a miscarriage."

spiral

Spiral

SPiral

SPIral

SPIRal

SPIRAl

SPIRAL

SPIRAL INTO SATANS GRASP!

i cant i cant do this i cant. Should have been a miscarriage. Your not getting out of this the easy way. No death, only hurt only pain.

That's when stuff started,  when she said "I wish you were a miscarriage". And what do you want me to do get better I'm at my highest never been better! I dont deserve to get better. I dont deserve to get love. I dont deserve to be happy. I dont deserve to be alive.

                         So why should I keep living?

                          Just to suffer? Just to cry?

     Why should I keep trying? As if I'm ever gonna be.       good enough to do it. To be happy again, TRULY.           happy. Because I will never be happy again.

Answer 1

Hi there! I know it's hard sometimes but I believe that you can make it. You mean so much to so many people. You are loved. Don't you ever forget how much you're worth. You deserve to be loved, even when you mess up. You are beautiful in every way, shape, and form. I love you so much. Talk to me anytime. -Nayeon

Answer 2

Ok sorry I didn't get all of that! But I can completely relate! Like a lot! like " Is this normal? I'm I doing it right? Did I say the wrong thing?"

But Ik that 1: That you are here for a reason! And God is always with you! Even if it feels like no one cares God cares

2: Ur mom is wrong and I'm sorry that she says that. That's hurtful! But you should not have been a miscarriage! You are amazing!

3: @nobodyimportant No one is perfect we all sin! But that doesn't mean that we all go to hell!

4: Satan is real! But everyone does not go to hell! If you are saved by Jesus Christ, you go to heaven.

5: You can't get through it on your own, no one can you need Jesus's help! I can't get through it by myself!

Comments

Sorry for saying, "perfect" I'm just saying...

Self worth is the best thing you can give yourself is what I'm sayin.

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Np! That's true! I have problems with that! Actually a lot of problems. . . :)

Answer 3

Oof, uh, this kinda hit different, girl... And Ik, you don't care (XD), but I get it, 100%. I'm kinda... Falling?? Right now?? And I'm kinda scared. What if it is a spiral!? What if this continues after graduation!? Why can't I get ahold of myself anymore!? Things get harder by the day...

Comments

Ikr 100%! But I'm praying for you girl! Same!

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Did KS censor your answer or not?

Yeah, it's too many questions to see if your gonna be okay. Too much being unknown. Too much worrying. Too much being scared.

I would have never in a million years guessed you felt like this too.

Depending on how you handle it or so it may continue after graduation, if your even spiraling/falling in the first place. Not saying I dont belive you or anything like that. And I'm saying it to scare you either.

(I might do a pt.2 because it was way longer and KS censored a lot of it so I'll do the part that KS censored but so they wont censor it)

Also for the part two (2) I am happy to get ideas on your perspective or how you feel and add it to the next one. With credits of course.

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No, I'm just spacey XD

You are totally good, girl. Things fell apart after a boy. Stupid reason, Ik. Learned a real good lesson there. But I feel like I've lost control on everything, like it's getting harder and harder to find happiness (haha, I can still manage, though!! :p). The worst feeling is (which I live with every day) is the feeling of hope, but knowing that I shouldn't be feeling it because I know better than to think that what I'm hoping for will work out. Picking up what I'm putting down??

Sorry, YOU became MY therapist for a minute!! Thanks, girl :)))

And YES!! Feel free to post a part two!! We're all here for you, and we care about you a TON!! 

Best of luck!!

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LOL

Love is, kinda shakey. I mean it's not dumb. Exactly, the memes that I used to laugh the hardest at are now just dumb to me. The huge things that I would super excited for are inconveniences (<--- that's a real big word) now. "The worst feeling is hope" hit hard bro. Right in the feels. Yeah, I got you.

No need to apologize no problem.

Thanks!

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SAME!

Answer 4

First of all your mother is probably thinking she's talking to a mirror when she's actually talking to you

Second of all, Satan ain't real, there is only peace and love and people don't seem to get that

Third of all, everyone deserves to live and those who say you shouldn't can kiss your—

So anyways, you're perfect. Don't let ANYONE tell you you're not, because they're just talking to a mirror as far as you should be concerned. It doesn't make sense to make others happy if you're suffering. IT DOESN'T AND NEVER WILL.

So get some you time. Do what makes YOU happy. You can't please people, they can only please themselves, and that's by hurting you sometimes.

Yeah. It's hard. And I can't SAY you'll get through, you'll have to PROVE it to YOURSELF.

I hope you took this to heart. Everyone on here cares and wants you to be happy no matter what!

Comments

Thanks  (But dont @ my mom)

If satan ain't real how do people got to hell? And clearly there is bad things in the world. There's a war going on (IRL). How can you get what isn't true?

Not necessarily everyone, but I get the point.

Nobody is perfect but thanks. I mean in some ways it does but I get it.

I'll try.

Thanks.

I did, and thanks again.

(I know if sound petty af but some things I dont agree with but doesn't mean I didn't like this answer I actually loved it.)

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Thank you.

Hell isn't real either, but I explained that in an other post (you can go check it out if you want)

The Truth is that there is peace and love, but everyone makes it more complicated than it is.

No one deserves to die. Not even the baddest person on Earth. Because they're either mentally ill or hurt.

Sorry your description of your mom's actions just keep making me angry. She's prob a nice person deep down.

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Your welcome

It's a difference of opinion. And that's fine, that's alright. We have two different POVs of things and that's all right.

Yes, there is peace and love, not really complicated but I get it,. And its an0ther difference of opinion.

Hitler just hated Jewish people, for no reason. He just woke and choose to do that. Early colonists just choose to get slaves.

"Deep down" had me ROFL I said dont @ my mom cause I dont wanna go to hell but we all know that according to the bible everyone's going to hell, so.

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Hey, nobodyimportant, would you feel comfortable sharing your religion (if you have one)? You don't have to, but I'm very curious, I mean, I'm Christian, so is Thalia, so is Blue, etc.

~ Your friend, Wraya <3

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NobodyImportant is an athiast- uh, an athiest- forget it, I can't spell.

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Lolll. Oh, that explains it. Thanks! <3

BTW, it's spelled 'atheist'.

~ Your friend, Wraya <3

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Well, not necessarily an atheist, I don't ignore the existence of "God", just not in the way you would expect.

It's a lot to explain my religion and most of you prob would be confused...

I might be called a hippie!

XD

Peace and love, ya'll!!!

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Oh yeah, you told me your buddhist in my post. Haha! I've always wanted to be friends with a hippie! lolll

~ Your friend, Waya <3