How do I tell my mum I'm agender (genderless)?

Question

So, I'm 14, I don't really feel comfortable with my birth gender pronouns or opposite gender pronouns, but I'm scared to use they/them. My mum once said: "If you feel you should've been born a boy, guess what? I have a son." so she supports trans people, but I don't know if she knows about nonbinary or agender. I'm scared that she'll be like "You're too young to know about any of that"      I need advice on how to come out to her please help!

Answer 1

Try to find out whether or not she supports nonbinary and agender people.

Test the waters. Tell her about a celebrity or something who is agender.

If she seems fine with it, tell her. If not, maybe just wait.

Comments

I don't know anyone who is agender/nonbinary, unfortunately. & neither of us know any celebrity who is nonbinary. :(

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Oh kayyyyy..

Hmm.

Maybe tell her about an OC you made or a character you like that is agender?

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I don't tell her about my OCs (She's never been interested)

although maybe Nightcap from pvz would work since canonically Nightcap is genderfliud? IDK tho bc like I said, mum was never interested in hearing about my OCs or any character from a game in general (unless it's builds)

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Yeahh, maybe you should just give it a shot.

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Or...... Since my parents had a talk  about pronouns some time ago... I might tell her that I don't feel like the term "Cisgender Female" suits me, & then explain to her that I don't feel like I belong in any gender label.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA..?

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OR.... I JUST HAD THE GREATEST IDEA!!!!!!! A poem about how I don't want to be classified as male or female! I'm writing it RIGHT NOW.

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YES DO ITTTT!!

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I wrote it. Now I need to hide it until Pride Month ;-; sayyyyy the 5th?

here it is:

                                              Neither Gender

                            "Miss Girl!"

This title is tossed at me,

& I find it hard to show any glee.

You label me a woman, & I know you know no better,

yet it still wounds me deeply.

                                     "She's my daughter."

I am not angry, for I know you have no clue in mind,

but the thought of being called a girl leaves me blue inside.

                     "You are my daughter, & you will always be."

I am your child with female body parts.

I do not label myself a girl or boy.

I label myself as an agender.

I feel I am genderless despite my birth sex, you see.

Please do not yell or shout or say to me that I am wrong about my gender identity,

because then you will be telling me that you know me better than I know my own self, you see.

& then I wrote a lil note saying that I'd like to try out they/them pronouns but stick to she/her when around my dad. What do you think of it? It's my first ACTUAL poem!

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wowzeers

THAT WAS GREAT!! :3

Also, yea, thats a great way to come out!!
I wish you luck, ma fren :D

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I'll wait til June 5th bc obvious reason hehe

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So I needed up coming out to mum YESTERDAY................

We were driving to Walmart & I accidentally gave a neverous sigh & she asked me what was wrong & I told her I was fine (very obviously not, I was nervous as hay). & she kept pressing & then I finally told her; "Ya know how you & dad were talking about pronouns?" "Yeah?" she replied. "How many different pronouns are there?" I asked timidly. "Oh, honey, I don't know." she answered. some time passed. "I don't feel like a girl..." I half accidentally blurted out. "You don't feel like a girl?" she repeated softly "I don't feel like a boy either. I feel like I'm neither." I added. "Nonbinary." she answered, though I knew the terms already. Then I explained agender to her & threw in a couple of similarities between the 2 & explained that all agender people are nonbinary but not all nonbinary people are agender. "Hm, good point." she started to explain genderfluid to me, so I told her that I already knew about genderfluid. "The REAL question is, what would you prefer to be called?" she asked. I panicked inside, thankfully I had a quick answer for that question. "Um, problem is, I don't know what pronouns I want." I told her. I explained to her that she/her didn't fit, but he/him also made me uncomfortable. I heard her say something with an "ay" sound, at first I thought she said "fae". I said "What?" "They." she repeated louder. "They/Them?" I half said half asked. "Yup." she said. So I told her I wanted to try out they/them for a while. "You know you can always talk to me, right?" She said. "In case you don't you always can." she patted my knee. I fought the urge to cry (tears of joy). "Is it alright if I still refer to you as miss girl?" she asked. "Only around dad." I answered. Then after the shopping trip we got home, I took the poem out from it's hiding place & placed it somewhere she would very clearly see it & she found it & read it. (she liked it. She asked me when I wrote it & I said I dunno, least a few days ago.) SO YEAH I'M OUT OF THE CLOSET TO MY MUM HOORAYYYYYYY