Would you consider this… uh… traumatic?

Question

So, last night, I heard a loud thud. 

I don’t know what it was, and it wasn’t anything bad cause no one was like screaming, and no one said anything about it.

But my heart and head was pounding really fast and I was scared, and then the flashbacks kind of just started coming? I haven’t experienced this in a WHILE, but here we go.

[For a little context- my father is in the military, he had his work uniform still on after this, and over half of his personality was that military attitude. The one most people don’t know- not the proud patriotic one, not the scared PTSD one, the harsh one. Im not trying to be stereotypical or anything like that. Most people in the military though know how to stick on the attitude and face of a drill instructor.]

Before I moved because my parents separated, they were getting into heated fights. One night, it got literally the worst it could. My siblings and I were all sleeping downstairs together that night (my siblings wanted a “sleepover”) and we had set up our beds. They were arguing after dinner and then it finally stopped (with my dad angrily leaving) and they went into different rooms. (This was upstairs.)

A really long while later, my sister fell asleep, and my brother and I were trying to. 

My dad I guess had decided it was time to talk again and went back to their room and my mom had locked the door

Because

She

Was

Scared. 

He pounded on it. Really hard.

And my mom ignored him I guess cause the door didn’t seem to open or unlock.

My dad started pounding harder and then he was screaming

“[moms name] OPEN THE #@$&# DOOR!!!”

OVER AND OVER AND OVER

POUNDING AND POUNDING AND POUNDING

He just kept screaming, and he has a loud voice, and pounding. I literally had never heard him get so psychotic.

My brother was crying and i was trying to be the big reliable older kid so I kind of just held him and winced as I heard

“OPEN THE $#$$@$$#& DOOR!” 

HE KICKED THE DOOR SO HARD THAT DAY THEY HAD TO REPLACE IT

HE WAS WEARING HIS BOOTS

THE CRACK WENT FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE DOOR TO THE DOORKNOB

THAT WAS THE THUD. IT WAS SO LOUD I SWEAR IT SHOOK THE FLOOR OF UPSTAIRS 

IT FREAKING SCARED ME SO BAD I GOT UP AND FOUND MY PHONE FREAKING READY TO DIAL 911

I HAD IT READY

My mom opened the door at some point and let him in and all I heard after that was muffled yelling and crying and I was afraid my dad was hitting her but I think he was slamming the walls really hard

Pretty much every time after that, when I heard a thud, my heart started pounding, even if I knew it wasn’t my dad.

I haven’t experienced that since I moved, because my parents haven’t been in the same place, but it kind of just happened.

I feel like this is more of a vent than anything but I still get scared from this stuff that happened like 9 months ago.

My dad doesn’t do this kind of stuff anymore and he never did it to us, his kids, but knowing he’s capable of that…

My eyes kind of sting from typing this 

I hope I didn’t waste your time with this longgg story, but um…

1. Can this be considered traumatic?..

2. Is there any way to stop the flashbacks from feeling so intense?

Comments

that is trauma and when they happen just try to focus on your breathing and breath in 3 secs hold 3 secs and let out it works for me when I have flashbacks

Answer 1

1. It’s definitely trauma.

2. To be honest, I dunno… I mean, since you probably don’t live with both parents, it can’t happen logically.

Comments

I don’t live with both parents anymore. Sometimes it feels like it though. I suppose the flashbacks really happen anymore except for yesterday for now but when they do it kind of raising my anxiety for the rest of the day (or night). I just wish there was an easy way to calm myself down.

Answer 2

1: yes

2: move on. It sounds harsh when you say “move on”, but its true. Thinking about the traumatic event in any single way could trigger a flashback. Simply move on. Its hard, but possible.

Also, it is NOT your dads fault. It is NOT your moms fault. Its not you or your siblings fault.

It is no ones fault, although your mom probably should’ve opened the door first thing. She might’ve been scared, but if my father pounded on my door, i would let him in.

Comments

He could have done something to her. I wouldn't have let anybody who caused that much of a scene into an area that was any where near me.

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He wanted to talk about it, and she locked the door on him.

I initially wanted to say it was partly the mom’s fault, but I didn’t want to start anything.

Turns out, that was pointless, so now everyone knows.

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I’m trying to move on its just kind of difficult to be honest just because its the ugliest fight that really ended up getting us to move. 

Um.. also.. about your comment, I was kind of putting it… nicely.

When he wants to “talk about it,” he basically is just trying to state why only his opinion is right… he’s honestly manipulative. For example, was visiting about 2 months ago, I asked a question about the separation, and he kept saying, “I know it’s my fault too,” and then proceeded to only say everything that was wrong with my mother and not him, and every time I objected and said “But you did ____ too…” he was like “Right right. Your mother though ____” and told me “I don’t want to get you involved” and every time I tried to get up and leave he wouldn’t let me, he just kept talking about ALL MY MOMS MISTAKES.

It is partially my moms fault though, I do agree, but I feel like my dad made everything aggressive.

Uh… yeah, Nobi, I think he had just the eensy weensy bit of restraint left not to hit her, and I think if the fight had gotten worse, it would have gotten to that. But I mean its hard to avoid my father. And he probably wouldn’t do that to us anymore, and I love him, but the relationship between him and my mother is a load of poo.