Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 98,929 times, you're a weatherman.
That was funny, but I don't like you, so I won't laugh.
Waiting until your parents are in a good mood to ask for something you want.
"Clean your room." Excuse me, I didn't realize the gathering would be held in my room.
Missed call. Calls back. No answer. WHAT, DID YOU DIE IN LIKE, 3 SECONDS?
Those scenarios you make up in your head when you like someone.
"I'm gonna tell your mom" was the scariest sentence when I was little.
I breathe. Mom says, "IM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ATTITUDE"
Getting a boyfriend or girlfriend is much easier in the movies.
If robbers broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.
If I did something cool or funny, there's an 80% chance I did it on accident.
When I see something relatable: "IM NOT THE ONLY ONE"
"I love this song!" equals Imma play it over and over til I get tired of it.
I die a little inside each time I see the word "explain" on a test.
Interrupt my sleep and I'll interrupt your breathing.
Saying "what" but then realizing a second later what they said.
We all have the teacher that says, "No packing up yet! We still have 11 seconds of class left!"
When we say, "Oh, yeah, I remember," we really don't.
Awkward moment when you get mad, slam the door, and storm off then you realize you forgot something and have to go back.
When you're checking yourself out in the car window and you realize someone is inside.
Faster I type, the more secret agent-y I feel.
When I lose, "It's only a game.." when I win, "IN YOUR FACE LOSER"
We text all the time, but when we meet it's so awkward.
Computer freezes. If I just press random buttons very quickly and hard maybe it will work again.
I had a dream about you. "Oh, awwww, really?" Yeah, you died.
The moment when you trip but keep walking like nothing happened hoping no one noticed.
Waiting alone in a car. Everyone suddenly becomes a serial killer.
When someone says, 'I love you" and you don't love them back, say, "I love YouTube" really fast.
Dear 30 internet tabs, which one of you is playing the music? Love, Frustrated.
My room may be a mess, but I know where EVERYTHING is!
Without the little voice in your head, you couldn't read any of this.
That awkward moment when hen you yell at someone and mispronounce a word, all the seriousness is lost.
The teacher threatens to move you and you say, "THAT WON'T AFFECT ANYTHING, I TALK TO EVERYONE!'
Telling your friends, "Look, if we get caught, here's the story..."
Lazy rule: drop what I have, don't need it.
HP fans: I wanna go to Hogwarts! Narnia fans: I wanna go to Narnia! Hunger Games fans: Nope, I'm good.
FBI:OPEN THE DOOR! Me: No, it looks a lot better when you break down the door.
When I play a fighting game, I mash buttons and hope for the best.
Dear math, I'm tired of trying to find your "X". She's gone. Move on, dude.
I love how in horror movies the main character says, "hello?" like the bad guy is gonna say, "Yeah? I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?"
Parents: Who are you texting so late at night? Me: Jake from State Farm.
Opens pack of gum. BAM. 1 million people are your best friend.
Teacher: What's your fave music? Me: The lunch bell.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. Alright, get in the basket.
My parents said I was a lair. I said, "Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, Santa" and walked away like a boss.
Simon says jump! Very good! But Simon didn't say "Land", so you're all out.
I am NOT a morning person. If you take the covers off me, I will kill you!
Imma open a store next to Forever 21 called Finally 22.
Singing in the shower like, "WHY HAVENT I MADE AN ALBUM YET?"
I will never cheat on anyone when I start dating, the fact that someone actually wants to date me is a big thing and IM NOT GONNA MESS IT UP
At age 8: Parents: GO TO YOUR ROOM. Now: COME OUT OF YOUR ROOM.
Do you want a table? No, I came here to eat on the floor, carpet for 5, please.
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