Hey everyone.
I'm sorry for venting again. I try not to, but then things like this happen and I just have nobody else to tell.
So today I was actually having a good day. I decided to clean the house because I thought it would make my mom happy for once, since she is always saying its messy (which it is, don't get me wrong). I cleaned the entire kitchen, vaccumed, scrubbed the countertops, and even cleaned my brother's art table. I thought my mom would be proud of me. I actually thought for once that I would be good enough for her.
Then my brother starts taunting me, and deadnaming me purposefully. He starts screaming 'she', 'her' and 'girl' at me, so I snap and yell back at him. My mom hears this entire interaction and somehow sides with my brother, even though he started it.
I did everything for my brother to make him happy. I bought him candy at the dollar store today with MY OWN MONEY and cleaned his table for him, and somehow I'm still in the wrong.
Anyway, my mom had this deal with me that if I behaved all week, I would be able to hang out with my friend during the weekend, and apparently because I fought with my brother, she's taking that away from me and im not allowed to have them over anymore. That was the one thing I was actually happy about this week. I was actually happy (which I rarely am) that I would be able to see my friends, and she knew that. She knew how much that meant to me and punished me anyway.
So now I relapsed horribly and have been sobbing violently in the bathroom for the last few minutes. I don't know what to do anymore. I try so hard to be everything she wants me to be and im still not good enough. Now, she's threatening to put me back in family counseling, which is one of the things that gave me severe trauma and contributed to my awful mental health.
- Dino/Wilbur/Toby (he/they/xe)
