Hey everyone.
I've been having a bad day so this is probably going to be long. Its mainly for those who are good at giving advice and/or know about trans identities and LGBTQ things.
I try to not post about this stuff. I really do. I feel like it makes up my whole personality on here when I keep posting about it, but I literally can't escape the transphobia, even in my own house.
So I wake up and go to the kitchen. My brother is making some food and he forgets to close the microwave afterwards. I tell him, "Dude, you forgot to close the microwave". He starts screaming "She, she, she. You are a girl. You will never be like me". This is the second time he's been openly transphobic in less than a week. I literally did nothing so I start shouting back at him. I said some things that were very aggressive and that I can't say here, so I wont.
I go to my room feeling horrible and text my dad what happened. Even though I hate my mum, I text her about it too. When my dad gets home, he tells me, while deadnaming me, "***my brother*** doesn't understand. He doesn't know what you want. Don't act like that towards him. Did you not get enough sleep last night? I know you were up until 4."
His tone was pretty calm, but it still hurt. I told him how my brother had done this multiple times and neither my mum or my dad did anything about it. They pushed it off as "oh he doesnt understand". my brother has done this in PUBLIC before, literally 5 days before, when we were in target picking out gender inclusive bathing suits.
My dad saw the sign I wrote on my bedroom door that read, 'Wilbur's Room'. He immedietely said, "Wilbur? Why would you choose that name? That sounds like the pig from Charlotte's Web. Isn't that name like, hundreds of years old?". He had a pretty happy tone, and was laughing, but it hurt me so badly. I didn't want that. I don't care if its the name of a stupid pig from a book, I like that name. My day was already bad enough, and I didn't need him to say that.
We go downstairs and I ask again for a binder. He acts confused and then says that he can't afford one and that I should ask my mum, but when I ask her she always asks me " Why am I buying you everything? Ask your dad". My dad is going through a rough patch where he doesn't have a ton of money, so its a bit understandable, but his tone was so cold towards me.
Him and my brother both call me a she, so I tell them, "Still not a she". My dad then says, "What are you then? Cousin Itt (a character from the Addams Family)".
I started screaming at them and go to my room. Im crying while typing this. Im so done. I wish I were a real boy. I hate saying that but its true. Nobody in my family supports me. I just want to hear my dad call me by my preferred name for once. While crying, I just thought out of the blue, " I wish techno were here", and now im crying even harder. Every time I get a transphobic comment I think, 'what would techno think of me? Im not a boy. I wish techno were here'. Im sorry for rantng. Im sorry all I ever post is about transphobia. My dad says it makes up my whole personality and that I should stop..
You dont have to answer to this at all. Im just so done with life. Every time life gets better for me my hopes get shot down.
- Dino wants an apology (he/they/xe)
