Eep idk how to title this o_o | Dino's Blog

Question

Hey everyone :)

This is mainly a question for those like WN and Sloth, who know about trans identities and a lot about the LGBTQ+ community in general, but im not saying people who aren't educated on it can't stay.

1. Anyway, Im not really sure what I identify as yet. I know for an absolute FACT that I'm not a girl or even partially one in any way, shape, or form.

I feel like a dude, but at the same time I feel a bit, idk, disconnected? Like I'm a boy but at the same time I'm not? Its really really weird and describing it to people is hard. Some days I'll feel more gender-neutral and others ill feel fully masculine or partially masculine. Like im nonbinary but also a boy, but it fluctuates back and forth. I'm not a demiboy, because it doesn't stay the same.

Genderflux? I don't even remember what that one means, because I am currently on 5 hours of sleep, but maybe I'm that? It's like I'm a boy but the intensity changes. Like some days I'm fully masculine and others I want to be less masculine or genderless. But at the same time I feel nonbinary. Like I'm nonbinary but I have those days where im like, "Hm, maybe I want to be a bit more masc presenting today!". Genuinely not sure.

That's one problem, but hey, guess what? I have another one xD

2. So since I'm not a girl, and unfortunately I was given a very feminine name at birth, I'm changing it. I've really thought about this, and I know nobody aside from my irl friends, maybe my parents (huge maybe), and you guys would actually accept me and use my name. My mum is emotionally and mentally abusive, but she actually uses my name. She makes me hate her and want to die every time she does, though, because I'm genuinely scared of her, but that's a story for another day. My issue is telling my dad that I want to be called Wilbur (or Will for short) instead of my deadname. When I first told him I was a lesbian (obviously I'm not anymore, but the point still stands), he was very very quiet and just said he would accept me no matter what, so I was pretty happy, but it was so awkward. He just felt, idk, like he forced himself to say something nice when he didn't feel it or didn't want to? When I told him about my change in pronouns, as I told you all in previous posts, he just got quiet and then kind of blew it off. He would look out the window and say 'oh, look at that neat doberman!' in the middle of our conversation about gender and my pronouns. It hurt me because he was clearly awkward, which is understandable, but he didn't have to purposefully change the subject. He told me he would try. He knew how that made me feel. He knows that I already have major issues controlling and speaking about my emotions. And guess what? He hasn't used my preferred pronouns at all. Yay :(

Which brings me to my main point, my new name. I don't want him thinking its a phase, because I've known I was trans for years now but have never had any labels for it. I've been thinking about this name change since last August. I don't know where to ask him or how to, or how he will respond. My mum is horrible to me and my dad is my last option. His girlfriend from Ukraine is also coming over in like 8 DAYS and I don't know how to tell her either or if I even should. We have never met and rarely spoken, but she's very very sweet and is accepting of everyone, but I don't want to immedietely meet her and say "oh yeah, hey, my name isn't actually **my deadname***, its Wilbur. Nice to meet you". You know? Its just so weird. I don't want to damage my dads relationship with me, but I just want to hear him actually use my name for once. I just want him to not get angry or make it awkward. Whenever I tell him how I feel, which is hard for me, he treats my feelings like a joke. If I don't tell him, my narcissistic mom is going to be like " oh you didnt tell your dad about your name change? Are you scared of him or something?" And then she would insult me. You guys are good at this, what do I do?

IM SO SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG BUT PLEASE, I NEED HELP HERE O_o-

- Dino (he/they/xe)

Comments

Wow, the other members of the LGBT+ Alliance (nickname is Alliance, and also I think the four of us (me, you, Writingnerd, and Sloth) should have our group be called that) answered before me with lengthy paragraphs.

In that case, I have nothing to say, because everyone else said what I was gonna say.

Also, can I still call ya Dino? It feels real weird calling people by their real names here.

Thank you in advance, and make sure to like and subscribe to my non-existent channel!

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@Elo

THE LGBT ALLIANCE

I LOVE THAT :)

Of course you can call me Dino! I don't mind what people call me, honestly.

I shall now go sub to your definitely existing channel-

- Dino still wants his apology (he/they/xe)

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may i join?

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You’re already in!

Answer 1

Alright. For the first one, you could maybe look up genderflux a bit more and see if it sounds like you. (Preferably not on five hours of sleep, although I'm saying that as someone who has been staying up past 1 on some nights.)

For the second one, you should write a note. Tell him that these are not your pronouns. If he would feel bad if you called him she, he has to, at some point understand what your pronouns are. Sign it off with your preferred name and, for good measure, your pronouns. And tell him not to ever change the subject or look away or ignore you when you talk to him about this in the future. Also, tell him that dobermans are not good excuses for serious conversations. (By the way, I know you mentioned once that you asked him for a binder. Have you gotten one yet? If not, I will be very upset about that-)

Your dad's girlfriend sounds nice. Maybe tell him that you'll introduce yourself with your name beforehand so he doesn't get angry? And if you don't want to say it right away, pull her aside later on to tell her? At any point you feel comfortable, of course.

Is he aware of this situation with your mom? And is there any way you can get out of it with his help?

<3

Comments

Yeah, im going to take a nap and then research it some more. Staying up past one?! How dare :O

I actually really really like the note idea. I hate talking to people face-to-face so this is a really good option for me. I'm definitely going to do that when I get a free moment in the next few days and I will be sure to update. Also, unfortunately, I've asked for a binder but the conversation has been diverted multiple times and he either doesn't respond or stays quiet and changes the subject. When I accuse him of changing the subject, he plays dumb. I hate it, but I will definitely include it in the note :)

From everything I've heard and told my dad's girlfriend, she's a great person. She's very sweet and is currently learning English, so I think my dad telling her about it beforehand is a genius idea. Thanks so much. Why ARE YOU SO GOOD AT ADVICE, WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?! >:O

He's aware of the situation, and I've told him everything, but in my state I can't tell the court which parent I want to stay with until im 14. So two more years of this abuse, basically. The divorce is spread across my mums house and my dads, its 50-50 right now. Every time she abuses me, I tell him and we write it down that way we have evidence for the court. Its getting better slowly.

Thank you for all the advice. I will be sure to use it all and to keep frequent updates. I can't ever thank you enough for this and everything else youve ever done for me :D

- Dino (he/they/xe)

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I don’t think I’ve ever stayed up past 1 on purpose. I just don’t see why.

As for the binder, just know that I gift you a virtual binder. *gives virtual binder to Dino*

If people good at advice are witches, then I’m the opposite. Which makes sense because I don’t believe in palm reading and crystal balls and all that stuff.

And that right here is me definitely not interrupting into your lovely conversation.

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Okay, good :)

MaYbE i Am A wItCh.

Oh, that sucks :(. Hopefully there are other ways you can avoid her a bit more (Sleeping over at a friend's when you have to stay with her, maybe)?

Of course :).

<3 <3 <3

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Y o u ' r e   a   w i t c h   W N—

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Yessss.

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@Elo

Thank you sm! :D *accepts virtual binder*

@WN

Good idea, actually. I try to spend as much time as possible hanging with my friends. My mom is always annoyed that she has to drive me, but most of the time its just her being a narcissist and being angry that I'm having fun while she has to work. I definitely will try to get away from her as much at possible, though :)

<3 <3 <3

- Dino/Will/Wilbur (he/they/xe)

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You’re welcome!

Answer 2

I'm sorry, I don't know how to help with this..

BUT I CAN BE THE COMIC RELIEF

THE TITLE LITERALLY DESCRIBES MY POSTS IN EVERY WAY X3

-Nobi

Comments

No, thats okay! :)

YESS NOBI'S SUBERB COMIC RELIEF :33

- Dino wants an apology (he/they/xe)

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I'M A COMIC SUPERHERO RELIEF BABY LES GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

SO AHM

I WAS WATCHING SPONGEBOB THE OTHER DAY—

heHHahhHEeeeeeHahah

Huh

What's so funny

I haven't even gotten to the punchline

Your existence is humorous

I created you

You're like a horcrux

*apparates*

You are an absolute menace to society

Who am I talking to

He's not even here 

Answer 3

I’m better at telling people sexualities that may fit them over gender and I just discovered the lgbtqia fandom and am browsing through all the things I didn’t know lol, so idk if I’m helpful.

BUT like WN said, I think genderflux may definitely fit you. Like you describe yourself: it’s like a different intensity of whether you’re very masculine or not at all or a little bit and so on. And I would think you could be nonbinary and genderflux except doesn’t nonbinary fall outside of being a girl or a boy? I mean I guess you can be masculine and nonbinary. I don’t know things-

Maybe you could be a deminonbinary person? Partially nonbinary. I see that fitting you sorta, but I’m not you. Also I only learned deminonbinary was a thing about 4 seconds ago as I type this :)

Just a few hours ago I literally thought I knew as much as I needed to and then the LGBTQ side of Fandom reared it’s wonderful, confusing head-

So, I guess it’s a good thing your mother is nice enough to use your preferred name. Means she likes you at least a bit. THERES HOPE IN THE MIDST OF ABUSE, AND IM SORRY YOU’RE IN THE ABUSE-

Anyways, your dad’s girlfriend. Let’s talk her. Maybe you’ll find yourself comfortable in her presence, she sounds like a really good person. You can get comfortable enough to tell her. And maybe, just maybe, you can tell her how your dad makes you feel.

If she’s truly accepting, and is a dang good girlfriend for her new… uh… I guess stepson/stepfamily, she could tell your dad your thoughts and they could think things out.

That’s just a maybe, but it could potentially work.

Your father is stuck. He’s stuck and confused why the “daughter” he once had is now someone else, his new son/(I still don’t know what to call someone in the genderless/neutral sort of spectrum) now someone different than he wanted/thought. He doesn’t want to accept it. You gotta get him to snap out of it. Confront him. Tell him to use YOUR pronouns, YOUR name. Accept YOU. Because he is not able to tell you your actually someone else. You gotta get him to focus on reality and stop living in the past. He can keep making it a joke. But since it isn’t, another way you can annoy him to the point where he’ll do it is by correcting him everytime he doesn’t use the right pronouns or name pretending he isn’t talking to you because that’s not your pronouns or name.

You can also be kind unlike some of my suggestions are and tell him your preferred name, and then come up with a nickname he can call you specificallu for you. Something you and him are comfortable with. My dad has a nickname for me that rhymes with my real name that he calls me sometimes, and half the time my mom calls me “Monkey 1” (my siblings are 2 and 3) lol. I’m throwing ideas out-

Well I hope I helped and that you figure it all out! I’m here for anything else. Now, peace out cause it’s late and I’m half asleep-

Answer 4

this sounds like a tough situation. Here are some of my sulutions:

1) tell a physical person about this. they could help.

2) if ur dad doesn't use ur pronouns, confront him about it. u are a human being and u deserve to be treated for who u are.

3) im pretty sure ur dad is not a supporter of the lgbtqai+ community, so u should ask him. U are ur own person and no one can change that.