Chapter 22
Nicolas had found himself lying in his bed, awoken from slumber in the dead of night. He didn't know what woke him, as there weren't any loud noises in the area or normal disturbances. He often found nights like this, being randomly woken up in the middle of the night by an unknown force.
He had said his goodnights to Azure (and a passing goodnight to Elise, to which she didn't reply) hours before, then saying goodnight to Zachary, Patton and Ravi once inside the dorm. It was a little hard to fall asleep as thoughts raced through his mind about yesterday's events and now today's upcoming ones. A chilling wind brisked by him, making him bring the blanket up a little farther so that it wrapped his shoulders.
He wondered what challenges were going to face him as he attended this school/camp bundle. What kind of challenges would they be? Would there be a possibility of severe injury? His father and Mr. Fountain gave no context during their speech, which was oddly brief. He could have been sleep during the whole talk and he wouldn't have missed anything but a reason to have anxiety.
Maybe they want that, he thought as he turned to the other side of his bed. Maybe they wanted to see how he would react to the unknown. Maybe they wanted to keep it as vague as possible so that he had nothing but his sharp mind to guide him.
He smiled, happy at the thought of them thinking so highly of his intelligence. He knew not to be egoic, though; this was just a thought. A very delightful one.
As he closed his eyes and waited for Hypnos to rest his hand on his head, he couldn't help but lose faith in ever getting to sleep. Soon, he sat up in his bed, fully given up on rest.
His eyes scanned the dimly moonlit room. He found the dark peaceful only when he was at peace—otherwise, it could be very uncomfortable for his mental state, as it was now. His eyes landed on his black, gold-locked diary that was slightly sticking out of his coat, which he placed on the back of his chair. He must have forgotten to put it away... Thank goodness no one found it.
He slowly placed his bare feet on the floor, which didn't freeze his soles as it would because there was a round, large and soft rug placed directly under his bed. He walked toward his desk chair, off of the rug and onto the cold wood.
Once he got to his coat, he slowly rustled through to get his diary and pulled it out, running his fingers along the icy gold lock which bound it from unwanted readers. He searched a little more for the key, which he found, and inserted the key into the lock, twisting it until it abruptly clicked open.
Opening it, he grabbed his pen from the desk drawer and began jot down his thoughts and feelings in this dark space.
It feels unreal. It's hard to explain, unexplainable, but so very present. A wave of disturbing emotion drowns out other thoughts, my hope submerged. Mother Earth does not co-exist with Father Mind, now. They fight, throwing me farther and farther out of reality. And I end up asking, all in the end, "What is reality? If it's all a dream, what is there to wake up to? Is there nothing farther than what we know?"
And I know that I am on my own in these thoughts. And they scare me, and they know that I am on my own. I always tell myself that there is nothing to fear, that my feelings are absurd. But what if I can't trust the voice I comfort myself with? What if no one is real? What if it is all a lie?
And what lies after death? What if I want to come back? What can I do in the space far from Earth, this solar system, this universe? What if—
Nicolas was interrupted by the sound of Ravi moving in his sleep. Sighing, Nicolas quietly closed his book and locked it shut. He put it back to where he knew it wouldn't be found: The safe he spotted just before he went to bed.
He walked back to his bed, laid himself upon it, and wrapped himself in the cozy, thick and soft fleece blanket. He found the weight he felt on his chest and stomach earlier had left him, and his mind cleared.
Maybe I should use that diary more often, he thought when he let his eyes fall heavy. Finally letting go... His worries left him while he entered a peaceful oasis.
Everything is better in slumber.
End of Chapter
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Love ya'll,
nobodyimportant out—
