[Hi. My name is Isa. I'm in 9th grade, and I have autism.
Having autism makes my life harder. When I'm in a crowd, it feels like I hear everything but understand nothing. I also seem to "overreact" to a lot of things. It's hard for me to be around people. I don't have a lot of friends, and the few that I do have don't really even talk to me unless they're forced to. It makes me sad sometimes, but I'm not around them that much, so it's not their fault, right?
Earlier I went to youth group and something happened that I wish didn't. When I was there, there was a lot of noise and I couldn't handle it so I went to the bathroom. My friend Gia followed me though. She wanted me to come out of the bathroom to be with her and my other friends. I know she was trying to be nice but I really wasn't ready to go. I think I overreacted a little. I started laughing really hard. Does anyone else do that? I hate it, but I laugh when I cry. It's pretty embarrassing when someone tells me something sad and then I start laughing.
Anyway, Gia dragged me out of the bathroom back to our friends. Then I saw my friend Alice. We used to be best friends, but ever since I stopped going to school we've gotten further apart. I hate it. She was so mad that I went to the bathroom instead of going to small groups. I didn't tell her I am autistic yet. I don't want to tell anyone though. The only friend that knows is Gia, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Gia is probably my closest friend right now. I'm obviously not her closest friend, but my life is just like that. I swear I try to talk to my friends but it comes out weird. It hurts, you know, when nobody wants to be close friends with you.
I'm always the one to text first. I don't mind it that much, but it feels like a one-sided conversation. But texting is still easier than talking to people in real life. In real life I can have a meltdown in front of everyone, or even worse, a shutdown.
My meltdowns are pretty bad; I completely go crazy. But the shutdowns are conepletely different. I can't move, I can't speak, I can't do anything. My mind comepletely shuts down. So I'm just standing there like an idiot staring into space. It's like I can't process anything. Once in a shutdown I tried to walk to the bathroom so no one could see me. But I almost fell multiple times and my legs were shaking and all wobbly. I eventually got there and stayed there until the activity was over. And it took DAYS to recover. I know it makes no sense, but it's true. It did take days.
Anyway, I think that's all I want to say for today. I'll update when possible on my life.
-Isa]
Okay, so I have to give some credit to my friend, Sana. We both worked on this and I hope you like it! Hopefully it makes sense! I think it's good to hear other people's perspective and see life from their pov. Lmk what you think and any suggestions are welcome!
