Idk what to do

Question

I have a bff who is super toxic but I love her to death she is my best friend in the world but lately she’s been pressuring me into doing things and it doesn’t help that she knows that I have a problem in my brain that can cause me to start fights get involved or continue fights when they are over she sometimes uses it to start drama and she decides that she doesn’t like our other bff and starts a fight she waits patiently for my disorder to go off and then gets me involved and now I am in a huge fight with my only real bff and I was unconsciously a HORRIBLE PERSON and I 100% lost my bff (the good 1) by the time my as my doctor calls it “episode” was over the damage was done ofc my toxic bff who was a huge huge jerk was done she acted so innocent and she knows I hate telling people about my disorder and never told my other bff I tried but she didn’t seem to believe me or understand how serious it can be my good bff will never believe me and I probably lost the only good friend I have once my mom found out what my toxic bff did she banned me from speaking to her so now I’m gonna be all alone at school. I’m such an idiot what do I do?

Answer 1

Looks like we are in the same boat I can tell u what I do I pray and pray over and over again beginning God to let my best friend forgive me maybe try that and I feel like a horrible person as well I can’t even look myself in the mirror but if that’s the case then that’s proof you are sorry and maybe ditch the toxic friend if you are around toxic people, people won’t wanna be around you, she seems like she’s doing a lot more harm than she is good