I was in the kitchen with my dad and I started talking about LGBTQ+ and Transgender rights (im genderfluid, aromantic, and omnisexual), and he started accusing me of only being LGBTQ+ because I was "watching other people talking about it and that I wouldn't worry about that because im a minor". What he basically said is that I was influenced to be gay and just " hopped on a trend" (being LGBTQ+ is NOT a trend). And I also asked him for a binder a few months ago and he kept brushing it off and ignoring it.
I also brought up the idea of genderfluid/non binary/genderless bathing suits, since summer is coming up in my country and all my other bathing suits are bikinis, which I don't really feel comfortable in. He went dead silent and continued staring at his phone, which made me feel so left out and unheard. I know he wants to love and accept me openly but he doesn't know how.
He said he accepts me, but he treats my sexuality and gender identity like it isnt important. Im 12, and he acts like im unable to know what I identify as at this age. I just wish I could freely talk to him about it, but every convo I have about it ends with us yelling at each other and me crying in the bathroom later on.
I dislike my mom, and my grandparents live in Canada so I can't talk to them. My dad is my only other option but I barely see him since my parents are divorced. Don't get me wrong, my dad is such an amazing person and I love him so much, but sometimes its hard. He does everything to make sure me and my siblings are happy, but I hate when he acts like this. During our argument today, he ended it by saying "just know that ill always love you and you'll always be my daughter", to which I responded " daughter? How long until I stop being someone's daughter? I hate being like this, im always someone's daughter. Do you think I want to be a daughter, or a girl, or a woman? Am I nothing else?". He paused before saying "you're my child then" and walked away.
I guess im just trying to say that I wish every conversation we had didnt go like this and that I could speak openly with him. I see other parents and their kids and I get so jealous. I suffer from teenage depression and I wish I could openly discuss it with my dad and that he'd listen and not just say im being influence by someone else. Most of the people in my life, like ex-lovers, ex-friends, and even my own mother have told me so many things that make me feel like everything I think or do is just another overreaction. My dad thinks im overreacting, and when I started talking about all the anti-lgbtq things that have been happening in my country, he just asked why I cared so much since it "didn't affect me" and that I was getting to riled up and that I was overreacting.
Anyone else relate? Im sorry if this sounds rushed or poorly worded, I'm having a really bad day.
