Last night I had this.. mental breakdown? Not really, but… I cried extremely hard and I was shaking. My younger siblings had decided that they were going to sleep in my room. I was okay with it, because I still got to sleep in my bed. Fast forward to that night, my youngest sibling starts to sleepwalk. And sleep talk. She got up 3 times for who knows what and then calmed down. It made it difficult for me to sleep. Once it was 10:00, I gave up and took some melatonin (sleeping medication) and had 4 of the tiny tablets (kids chewables and stuff don’t worry I was supposed to take that many). After 30 minutes I still couldn’t sleep and it was supposed to kick in at the 20 minute mark. So I just laid there. But on top of all that, my second youngest started snoring loudly. I was irritated because I get highly grumpy when I’m tired. But every time I said “SHUT UP…” whether in my head or whispering it, it seemed to get louder. I don’t know why this was my trigger, but I was tired and frustrated, so I started violently crying. My bed was shaking. I don’t know what I’m crying about anymore. My stresses are confusing and sometimes slight things that make me annoyed just make me start tearing up. Luckily my siblings are deep sleepers and didn’t wake up. I just had tears running down my face and curled into this ball. And even after all that crying for like 15 minutes, I still couldn’t sleep, and hearing the snoring just made me more angry. I fell asleep with my ear against my pillow and another one pressed against the other ear. And then my sister yelled something really loudly at 2:00. The sleeptalking. AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT WOKE UP. So now I don’t know at this point why I should sleep and my eyes are blurry. I’m not crying as hard here but I was still crying. I don’t know what my problem is. So of course, I wake up irritable. Now, my siblings won’t stop screaming after multiple requests and my sister specifically was screaming at me that I should stop screaming and then called me a.. ahem.. “poopoo monkey.” Yeah. Uh.. anyways I managed to take a thirty minute nap and they screamed more again. Still tired as ever. Oh, also, this crying stuff has been going on for days. At least, the feeling to cry and the shaking. I don’t even know anymore. My anxiety levels feel like they’ve been cranked to the top for absolutely no reason.
I hate this.
