I have escaped the void for a little while to bring you all the latest installment of my mental health failing :,)
I hate making posts about myself and my currently crumbling mental health, but apparently that's all I can do right now so-
:p
So I mentioned a little while ago (like a day or so ago-) that my dads girlfriend from Ukraine was coming over to live with us. I've only spoken to her briefly but she seems really nice. My dad picked her up from the airport today, but im not going to meet her in person until over back to my dads house. So like 2 days.
Ever have that thing where you really like something, like tv show, book, place, etc., but then something happens revolving that thing and its forever ruined for you? That's the case with my mum and my dads girlfriend. My mum has basically ruined any chance of me ever trusting her or any motherly figure ever again. My mum was always an amazing parent to me as a kid but as I grew up, around 9 years old, she just went insane and started treating me horribly. So now im scared of my dads girlfriend changing like that too. I've lasted without a real, genuine, and kind motherly figure for what? 4 years now?
Basically all the important parts of my childhood where I was going through puberty and I needed assistance, she was never there. She smashed multiple bowls whenever I asked her for help with a homework assignment and screamed at me if I did something wrong. She abused me to the point where I SH almost every week. My point is, I've lasted without a true 'mother' for so many years that having one just pop into my life like this is really weird. Its not like I want a mother, either, because after how my own mum treated, and still treats, me, I don't think I can ever trust anyone again. I guess im just scared of my dad's girlfriend being nice to me when he's around but changing around us. Or maybe being nice but then changing slowly and becoming like my mum. I have intense trust issues and I can't handle any more mental stress. Having a stranger that's going to try to be a mother to me is just too much. On Monday I am going to be alone in the house with her and my brother while my dad is at work. I am scared. She's really really nice and I feel like this is irrational, but there's a little birdie in my head telling me it's going to go wrong.
Does anyone have any advice? Thanks :)
(Also I discovered another preferred name I have! Its Toby :)
- Dino/Wilbur/Toby (he/they/xe)
