You don’t know.
You never know someone completely.
Whether there’s tears falling in the darkness behind the smile, whether there’s an empty heart hidden behind the layers of skin and clothes, whether the “beauty within” is crumbled and shattered, you will never really know.
Why do you act like you know?
My head raced as I sat on the decayed log, my eyes burned as I bawled. The wooded area was getting darker by the minute, and the humid air seemed to be closing in on me. My shoes were muddy, and the log was wet, but I didn’t care. I gripped the log.
Just hours before, I was happy as a clam, the music spouting through my headphones serenading my ears, lying down on my perfectly comfortable bed… at home.
That word made me feel worse.
During one of those hours, I had gotten a text from my best friend while sitting at the table, eating lunch (a bowl of chicken flavored ramen.)
“ray, you know that kid Thomas in 5th period?”
“Yeah, what about him?” I typed into my phone.
“they came out as nonbinary… [smirk emoji]”
I read that sentence over multiple times.
“you there?”
“Sorry i had to reread that over a lot! thats really cool”
“you should talk to them, now you have something in common!!”
“that’s not a bad idea… we can be nonbinary pals X3”
I had heard a gasp behind me and I turned around…
…and to my horror, my mother had read the whole thing behind me.
She looked like she was about to hit me with the holy bible.
I was frozen. I opened my mouth and no words could come out.
“WHAT DID I JUST READ, RAYNE?” She snapped.
“It’s nothing important…” I squeaked, managing to let out a sound.
“NOTHING IMPORTANT? YOUNG LADY, YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.”
Lady. She read that, and she still said lady.
I don’t know why I regained my confidence then, but all the sudden I said, “No. You read that, mother. What else can I explain?”
She was FURIOUS. “IN THIS HOUSE, WE ARE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! YOU ARE A GIRL. YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE THAT. GO TO YOUR ROOM.”
My eyes stung and I was afraid. I knew this would happen. That’s why I hadn’t come out yet. But actually experiencing it...
I ran up the stairs, to my room and slammed the door. My head throbbed as I scanned my room. I grabbed my backpack and emptied it on the floor. I shoved in my phone, my secret stash of candy from the hole in the wall of my closet, a tiny stuffed animal, my earbuds and another pair of clothes as quickly as possible. I looked at my room again as I threw the backpack on my shoulders
Then I opened the window and snuck through it. I crawled out onto the roof and grabbed hold of the tree on the edge, climbing down. Then I raced into the woods…
and now I’m here…
[this is only the first part, I’m not finished yet]
