Hey everyone.
I know I have been posting a lot recently, but I am so bored so here we go lol. Today's topic is about PURPOSEFULLY misgendering someone and not meaning to misgender them, and why they might happen.
So misgendering unintentionally is alright. If they didn't mean to, then its okay. Just correct them politely and move on. Its not that difficult to have basic human decency!
However, when someone INTENTIONALLY misgenders you, then its an issue. If you know someone is trans then don't misgender them on purpose. It seems like common sense, but for some people its not. Some of the reasons people may feel the need to misgender others has to do with anger. Take, for example, a conversation between my dad and me:
Me: *starts asking questions about things in the bible because I was confused and he knows the answers. We have had friendly debates about the realness of the bible, as im an atheist and he's a christian, but we never get violent or anything. Its just a friendly debate. Except for this time*
*we start talking about trans rights because I had seen new bills being passed that day and he gets angry and calls me a girl*
Me: We've had this conversation before, you know I'm not a girl. Why do you think I had a mental breakdown when that Karen called me a girl? I'm not a girl, dad. Don't intentionally misgender me, IM NOT A LITTLE GIRL.
My dad: *I start stomping up the stairs and start crying but my dad doesn't see it* Yeah, whatever you say, little girl.
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This is a perfect example of when people in my life say they are a complete ally and transgender defender and then misgender me. My dad also refused to apologize, and his reasoning? "Well you made fun of my beliefs and I was angry, you were asking for it".
The things I said to him were like a pinch on the wrist and he KNOWS it. Yet what he said to me brought back all my trauma and felt like a million of the sharpest knives being stabbed into my gut. Let me say it louder for everyone in the back: JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ANGRY DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY RIGHT TO INTENTIONALLY MISGENDER SOMEONE.
I'm tired of people who KNOW what you identify as but do it on purpose to misgender you. Just because someone made you angry doesn't mean you need to respond with something that you KNOW FULL WELL hurts way more than whatever they said.
"Oh but people get angry sometimes!" Didn't we learn this in preschool?
Think before you speak.
For me, that was the #1 lesson they ALWAYS told us. And even if nobody taught you it, it should be COMMON SENSE. Another good one is don't fight fire with fire.
If you unintentionally misgender someone and they correct you, then respect that! Its their life and their gender, they can do whatever they want with it. If you really care about them, then you will respect that.
Even if you don't support LGBTQ+ and transgender people, its common decency to respect them and use the pronouns/gender THEY want. It doesn't matter what YOU think of them, they can be whoever and whatever they want.
Thats really all I had to say, bye googlies :D
- Dino (he/they)
