I thought it was just admiration, but then I wondered if I was crushing on her.
Her gorgeous makeup, her body, her outfits, her style…
…until I realized it wasn’t love.
It all started on the first day of 7th grade. My best friend Summer and I were goofing off when I saw her.
Her beauty.
I was impressed and at the same time longing for that. I didn’t think about it much until about a week later when I saw her again. Same beauty. And then I started to wonder if I was crushing on her.
Of course, my bestie knew instantly. “JACOB, DO YOU LIIIIIIKE HER?” she whisper-yelled in my ear.
I looked at her, confused. Did I? I couldn’t lie to her anyways. I just shrugged. I guess I did?
Until a year later, when I started to realize something. It wasn’t that I was crushing on her, it was that I wanted to be her.
I’ve never quite liked my body, or “boy stuff.” I always have wanted long hair, I’ve always wanted to try a dress or skirt, I’ve always been interested in makeup… but I dismissed those thoughts as “weird thoughts every boy has.”
But what if I wasn’t a boy?
I knew transgender people exist but I never really thought about it until I was wondering that. And I found… that I was trans. I’ve always longed to be a girl without realizing it. And it made me happy to think I could actually identify as one.
Now, 13 years later at 25 years old, I identify as female, and I look like that girl I’ve always wanted to be. I had to go through plastic surgery and such to look like one, but at heart I’ve always been one. My accepting and loving fiancé proposed to me a week ago, and we’re getting married next June- pride month. He’s bi and I’m trans- one rainbow of a duo. My new name is Sandra and I’m finally, finally happy with myself. And I’d just like to let you know this.
“If you don’t know, you’ll find out eventually. And once you do, you’ll realize how happy you really can be.”
-Sandra
