This is gonna be a long one, I apologize in advance.
A year ago I thought I was lesbian as I had been crushing on multiple girls. Not gonna lie I didn't really know what being lesbian felt like until I started feeling odd romantic feelings to wards others of the same gender as me. I will be honest...I didn't really question it at first before shyly coming out to my closest companions.
Then the 'girl' I had been crushing on, who also just so happens to be my close friend, told me that she was actually using he/him pronouns and was not going to be described as a female anymore. This kind of ruined me and I went through a few mental breakdowns and a lot of self-questioning.
Mind you, this is all happening a year after I came out to my dad as lesbian. I am starting to think I may be pansexual, but I don't really know. I've been laying in my room for the past 2 days, not going to school because I had a 'cold'. I just kept contemplating my identity and doubting myself and sobbing silently. I honestly feel like its too soon for me to be changing my identity like this, and I don't want it to seem like its just a 'phase' and I am trying to look 'cool' by calling myself LGBTQ+, and for others to judge me unfairly.
I confessed my confusion and crush to my friend, who I mentioned earlier. He was very understanding and said he liked me too and that he (who is trans himself) had romantic feelings for me as well. So now we are dating, though it is uncomfortable since I haven't come to a conclusion on my identity yet. He has been very patient with me and I really appreciate it.
As I mentioned earlier, I already told my father that I was lesbian and I don't know if its possible for me to change my feelings this way..and I started to wish my partner didn't tell me what he told me about his pronouns and gender. But I now realize how unfair that was of me. I don't want it to seem like 'oh yeah, I said I was lesbian but now I wanna be pansexual. I can change myself whenever I want', you know?
And what if my partner breaks up with me in the future? Do I just go back to being 'lesbian'?? I don't want it to seem like I only told people I was pansexual for my partner, or some insane nonsense like that. Every time someone asks me my sexuality, I just tell them I don't know and its awkward for me, my partner, and the person I told it to.
I need help, seriously. This is affecting my grades and I am really going through a rough patch in my life. I need some honest opinions from yall. I would really appreciate it. thank you
