Five minutes later, the people arrived at the door an Steve said “Are you the ones that took my PvP things?”
Steve looked at the picture of him with his last netherite sword and saw the people in the background were the same people who were at the door and handed over the money.”
They said “You know what? We’ll do the inspection of your house early.”
Steve said “No no that’s really fine! I’m not ready for it yet!”
They said “Too bad! If we find a single thing here that means you shouldn’t be trusted with a PvP tool… we’ll never let you do any PvP again.”
Steve said “Housekeeping! Clean my house now! You only have five minutes”
All the villagers ame running in carrying cleaning supplies. They all cleaned Steve’s house.
The people from the council said “Big red flag! You had villagers clean your house for you! We’re sorry but you aren’t allowed to have a sword in your hands ever again. The only sword you can have is a clay sword. Hand over your iron sword.”
Steve cried as he handed over his sword and then said “Can I at least enhance this junky clay sword so it’ll be a real sword?”
The oldest looking one said “You can try but you’d have to be insanely good at redstone to do that. And nobody has managed to upgrade a clay sword to even a gold sword. So go right ahead. Try your hardest. If you manage to do it… you’ll be the best person of all time!”
Steve said “Okay. May I at least keep my PvP awards?”
“Well…. The ones that have are sword shaped no. The rest of them, yes.”
Steve cried even harder. He wailed “All of them are shaped like a sword. I have to take a photo of me in front of them before they are gone.”
“Okay. It would be extremely cruel if we didn’t let you. The ONLY way to earn your awards back is beat one of us in a PvP battle with the clay sword you are allowed to use other things though.”
Steve said “the sword may only have three uses before it breaks but at least I have one.”
Steve then grabbed all his potions and a lava bucket as well as a pickaxe and a fishing rod.
The youngest one said “I am a PvP genius! I’ll battle him! Sunrise tomorrow! Center of the village. Be there or be banned forever and never be able to use a harmful potion again. Oh yeah and if you use a PvP tool that wasn’t just given to you, you’ll be stuck in hardcore forever! If you win…you can have your PvP things back”
Steve then remembered there is mob combat. So, he asked “What if I run into a creeper or an enderman tonight? How will I defeat it?”
The youngest one rummaged through his bag and found a diamond sword and gave it to Steve. Steve was about to celebrate when he said “This sword has filters on it for it to only work on mobs so no trying to use it to PvP.” and left.
After that all Steve’s hope sank.
Eddy said “Excuse me Steve, would you like the netherite sword I crafted you?”
“Didn’t you hear?! If I use a sword not given by them it’ll be life in hardcore and I can’t bare to see another loved one die!”
Eddy said “I know but you can say it is an upgraded clay sword”
“Yeah but then they’ll probably ask to see the device I used to upgrade it.”
“Yeah but you could just say you destroyed it.”
“Yeah but I’ve felt how both netherite and diamond swords feel. They feel the same. Every other sword feels different because it has a different starting point.”
“What’s the likelihood of them knowing swords like you do?”
“I can do a PvP battle without a sword and only a bow, potions, a pickaxe, fishing rod and lava bucket. Although last time I tried I failed miserably. I’ll try.”
Eddy said “You never like my ideas!”
Steve said “Geez you’ve only given me one idea and it stinks worse than that brown lump that suddenly appeared on my shirt.”
All the kids were thinking how long until he notices it’s poop that Tristan put on there?”
Tristan accidentally said “How long until he notices it’s poop I put on there?”
Steve said “Alright Tristan! We have some serious things to discuss!” and stormed back into his house. He changed into a clean outfit and said “Glad the PvP council wasn’t here when I had it on there.” and yanked Tristan into his house and practically pushed him to the couch. Once Tristan had sat down, Steve sat right next to him and said “Tristan, what do you think would be an acceptable punishment for what you did to me?”
“You putting poop on my shirt.”
Steve nodded and said “Not what I was thinking but okay. Also throw it at the back of your head right?”
“Yes.”
“Great, now put on your favorite shirt!”
“But why?”
“You ruined my favorite shirt.”
“Oh. I’ll go get it.”
“But first I need to have a serious talk about these”
“I know I should stop. But, since the first time I umm uhh….Can I please have a minute to remember?”
“Yes…. wait NO! You may NOT have a minute to remember. And the fact that you even asked proves you think I am a rube who thinks whatever the person tells them! I know you’re trying to think of an excuse. Geez!”
Tristan said “I’m not trying to think of an excuse! Please?”
“No!”
“Ah-ha, I remember! Since the first time my friend who moved away then moved back then recently moved away put some on me.”
“Oh, so it’s Clara’s fault?!”
“Yes.”
“I’ll have to check with your parents about that as well as her parents.”
“Wait?! You have their phone number?!”
“Yes. I have all my villager friends’ phone numbers”
“How come you didn’t tell any of us?”
“I knew I would spend all day every day just calling my friends and asking to speak to their kids. More importantly, I kind of forgot until just now.”
“You forgot you had the phone numbers of your friends?!”
“Fine! I admit it was because I was worried one of you would break my phone in some way.”
“Did you talk to them at all when you were watching us?”
“That’s none of your business!”
“Well…. If you tell me I promise to listen to you instead of just pretend listening”
“Fine! Ever wonder why my bedtime was around 8:30? I didn’t go to sleep around 11:00 because I was having a group call with my friends every night.”
“Oh. Is that why you were always so tired in the morning?”
“Probably. Now I have the freedom to wake up when I want.”
“Can I please use your phone?”
“No way mister! You made me go broke paying for not getting banned from my favorite store the second time. I really had a hard time bouncing back after that. In fact I still am trying to.”
“You said you forgave us!”
“I said that because I wanted to be nice! I will never completely forgive you.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry. Is that why you always had to get budget food after the second time?”
“Yes! And I still have to! Geez! Show some sensitivity for me!”
“Oh. I didn’t know you still had to use budget food”
“Now be quiet.” and called Clara’s mother.
Clara’s mother said “Steven Stonecutter?! What’s up? You usually don't call until at least 9”
Steve said “Yeah so I was told about 13 years ago Clara put poop on someone while Tristan was over. Is that true? Tristan insists it is. But, since it took him a minute to remember that, I think it’s an excuse for purposely getting poop on me”
The mother said “It isn’t an excuse. I remember that. Is that it?”
“Yes. I’ll still call you tonight”
“Remember? Tonight all your village friends that moved away will be coming to your village!”
Steve said “I forgot sorry.”
“So what food will be served tonight?”
“Umm. Remember everyone has to bring a dish.”
“Oh yeah. I’ll get right to making it. Bye and thanks for the reminder.”
Steve then hung up and said “Dang it! I forgot I have an event here tonight”
Tristan said “So is all forgiven?”
“No way! I have to just let your parents handle it. By the way, I’ll have to tell them your punishment.”
“Okay.”
“So why do you put poop on me?”
“I have done it to all the adults in the village and then they just scream at me for three hours straight. So, since you seem better natured…. I decided to do it to you.”
Steve put his hand on Tristan’s shoulder and said “You could do it to the kids.”
“Yeah but I always plan it out with the other kids so they know it’s coming”
“Oh”
About one and half hours later, they had reached the bottom of it and Steve made Tristan promise to never put poop on him again”
Steve came out of his house with Tristan. All the villagers were staring at them.
Tristan’s parents said “Geez that was over two hours. Did he sneak on your phone and delete all your contacts? Did he aggravate you more? Did he break one of your devices?”
“No, no and nope. I just went into excruciating detail about why putting poop on someone is wrong.”
Then Tristan said “Yeah and he decided not to punish me because I was crying by the end.”
Steve shook his head no and said “Kathy and Bob, he’s lying. I decided the most appropriate punishment would be. Me putting poop on his favorite shirt and me throwing poop at his head.”
Kathy and Bob looked at Tristan who was giving his best apologetic face.
They said “Okay Steve, your punishment stands”
Steve picked up some poop and instantly dropped it. He said “Yeah…. How about he cleans my clothes for a month.”
“We like your first one more.”
Steve nodded and told Tristan to go change into his favorite shirt. Tristan ran home and about five minutes later came back in his favorite shirt.
Steve said “Now, you better not move.”
All the villagers gathered around to see what was happening.
Steve said “Please, everyone I’m about to punish Tristan for putting poop on my favorite shirt.”
Tristan then said “Steve, I know you most likely already have PvP gear but do you have professional grade PvP gear?”
“I don’t think I have any”
Kathy said “Tristan! Good idea”
Steve asked “Where is this going?”
Tristan said “I bought you professional grade PvP gear.”
Steve said “I’d love to accept that. The only problem is I don’t know if I’m allowed to have it and if I use any PvP tool that wasn’t given to me, I’ll be stuck in hardcore forever!”
Tristan said “Oh, nobody in the village wants that. You’re the best village guardian I’ve ever met.”
“Wait… You’ve met others?”
“No”
“That’s not much of an accomplishment”
Tristan then handed over the PvP gear and said “Here you go.”
Steve said “Thanks. By the way, you have to go to bed early tonight.”
“Why?”
“There’s an event for all my friends that moved away from the village and it’s kind of far away”
One of the oldest villagers said “Will we be going?”
“Yes.”
Then one of the youngest villagers asked “Will we be going?”
Steve said “Well…” unsurely
“Will we?”
Steve said “Well…. There may not be enough food for everyone.”
“You could just order pizza”
“Geez! When wll you stop bothering me?”
“When you say you’ll let us go!”
“I probably won’t!”
“But why?” he whined
“Now it’s definite no! Alex and Carol will watch you”
“Please”
Kathy said “Frank, he said no!” scoldingly.
Frank said “Please?”
“I said no!” Steve yelled
“Fine. I guess you’ll never know the surprise we have.”
Steve rolled his eyes and said “Fine!”
Frank said “Attention all kids! I just did the impossible!”
All the kids came out and said “You won a PvP battle against Steve?”
“Umm no, I convinced him to let us go to the event tonight.”
“Yay! We knew you would cave!”
Steve then remembered he said there would be no kids.
He said “Sorry little ones. I’ve decided to not cave in”
The kids said “So, you aren’t going?”
“What do you mean?!” Of course I’m going!”
All the kids were glaring at Tristan and saying “Do it!”
Steve sees Tristan pick up some poop and fling it at him. He tried to get out of the way but the poop just hit his face. Steve's wipes it off his face and his eyes start to bulge and he yells “Kathy! Bob! Tristan! You really need to move away within two weeks!”
Kathy said “Okay Steve. If you really think that's necessary. We’ll move away and never return. We’ll live in your other village.”
“Fine by me!”
All the villagers were staring at Steve and whispering “He’s going to kick out his best friend?”
Bob said “I just planted new crops! I can’t harvest them if I’m not here!”
“Well…. Too bad!”
Tristan came up to Steve and pulled at his shirt.
Steve looked down and saw it was Trisan. He turned his nose up and said “No way! I either want your family to move away OR for you to stop flinging poop at me!”
“I’m sorry. I promise to stop.”
“Mmm hmm. Sure you do. But, I know you aren’t trustworthy!”
“I am too!”
Steve rolled his eyes and said “Hmm hmm sure you are.”
“I am”
“Name more times you’re trustworthy than I can when you weren’t! Deal?”
“Deal!”
“Let’s go!”
Steve said “Let’s see hmm. Oh yes. When you said you didn’t touch my computer when I saw you using it.”
Tristan said “When I said I would clean the bathrooms and I did”
“That was less than 50% of the time! Most of the time when you said that you didn’t”
“Umm…. When I said I would tell you about you major events and did.”
“When you kept ruining my sheets and saying it was my pet cat.”
“What about you? Are you trustworthy?”
“That’s beside the point, is that all you can think of?”
“Yes”
“Well there is one more. Everyone, including you, let me believe I killed my cat when it was you!”
“Fine! I guess I’m not trustworthy.”
“Steve said “I’m trustworthy if you want to know. Isn’t that right guys?”
All the adults tugged their collars and said “Yeah…. About that…..”
“Yes”
“How do we put this?”
The meanest villager said “Let me handle it!”
“No thank you Henry. We got it”
“Okay.” and walked off
Steve said “Okay. That’s all I can wait for. I’ve got to freshen up for the event tonight. And because Tristan threw poop at me again…I think I’ll have to have a super long shower.”
Steve then remembered he had some soap that was made for getting the smell of poop off. This was because Steve had gotten dog poop flung at him 45 times. Steve ran to his house and had a shower. The soap worked wonders. Steve then dried off and then Tristan peered out from behind a corner and flung dog poop at Steve. Steve got back in the shower and cleaned himself with the special soap again. He dried off. And this time he followed the trail of poop specks to lead to Tristan.
He said “Tristan! I should’ve made you clean the mess the first times you did it. You know what?! Each time you do that you have to clean the mess off.”
“What if it’s on you?”
“You have to bathe me!”
“No I don’t!”
“You want to argue with me?! You know what? You flung poop at me. You have to bathe me!”
“But… I may not be able to sleep for the next week! Even with a potion of sleep.”
“Too bad!”
Steve got in the bathtub and filled it up. He made Tristan clean him. When Steve got out. Tristan was shivering with fear.
Steve said “Now do you know what I’ll make you do if you do that to me again?”
Tristan nodded shakily.
Steve said “Now do you know what I could make you do?”
“Mmm Hmm.” and ran out to his parents. As soon as Steve got dressed, he went outside and all the adults were blocking his way.
Steve said “Excuse me, I have to go to the party with all my village friends.”
All the villagers fumed “Steven Sylvester Oliver Swapnill Stevenson Ellizibith Molly Stonecutter!”
Steve said “What?!”
“You made Tristan clean you! We’re all afraid we can’t live in a village with a monster like you! We’re moving away from this village tomorrow! And we’ll only visit twice a year! And we'll coordinate it so two families aren’t here on the same day!...well for one of them.”
Steve yells “No!” as he fell to his knees and let his head fall into his hands.”
The kids said “Steve, if you want we can stay here and we can use aging potions to make us adults. Would that help?”
All the adults said “No way! We don’t want our little ones to be sentenced to trauma because of your short temper. Unless you can prove your worth by tomorrow we’re outta here!”
Steve nodded and said “Okay Will you at least attend the event tonight?”
“No!”
Steve said “Fine” and ran back into his house in tears.
Then the group went back to their normal activities.
Alex watched the whole thing. When she saw Steve run inside, she just followed him in.
Steve called all his friends to tell them the event was canceled. Alex came in just as Steve was hanging up.
Alex said “So, canceling the event?”
Steve nods and wails “I was all excited because all my villager friends that are still around would meet up and talk. But now all my new friends are not coming… I decided to just cancel.”
Alex nodded and thought This is the time he needs you the most. I better get Carol and Oliver.
Alex called Carol and told her to come over. Then she asked Steve to call Oliver and hand over the phone. He did. Alex asked Oliver to come to Steve;s house.
About ten minutes later, both of them arrived. They both looked at Steve.
All of them surrounded Steve and said “It’s okay. You’ll always have us.”
That made Steve cry even harder.
Alex said “Steve, do you want dinner with all your village friends before they all move away?”
Carol and Oliver looked at Alex and said “We probably can’t cheer him up on our own. We may need to convince the PvP council to come here and give him all his PvP things again. Or even better have him PvP one of us. Will any of those help?”
“Probably not.”
“Oh. What will help?”
“Convincing all the villagers to stay here. Although it isn’t a guarantee”
Alex nodded and left.
Alex yelled, “Attention all villagers.”
All the villagers gathered around Alex and asked “What is it? If it’s you don’t want us to move….It won’t work.”
Alex said “Well…. At least I tried.”
All the villagers said “We may change our minds if he gets each one of us a gift. And a few diamonds doesn’t count!”
“Okay. I’ll go tell him”
“Okay.”
Alex ran back inside and said “You have to get each of them an actual gift. And diamonds or emeralds don’t count. “
Steve said “Okay. I better get my list of top gifts.”
Steve ran upstairs, tears still streaming down his face. He ran to his room and collapsed onto his bed.
He wailed “Who am I kidding?1 I don’t have the money to get all the gifts they want… Unless…” Steve thought they all wanted a sword and PvP training.
Steve said “They all want a sword and PvP training!”
Steve quickly crafted enough swords for everyone in the village. He ran out and yelled “I got everyone’s top gift!”
Everyone ran out to see Steve only had swords with him.
They all said “Oh Steve…. A noble try. But, none of us want any more swords.”
Steve ran inside crying.
Tristan then snickered to himself and said “How long until he realizes it’s april fools day? And this is a cruel prank?”
Kathy said “Tristan, we’re all sorry. This isn’t a prank. And it isn’t even April fools day. If he doesn’t get his act together by tomorrow…. We’ll be moving. All we really want is an apology card to you.”
Tristan said “No! I don’t want to move away! I want to live with Steve!” and tore into Steve’s house.
Carol said “Tristan! Get out of here!”
Kathy ran in and said “We’re sorry Steve. None of us want swords….Well the kids do. But, the adults want something more heartfelt”
Steve said “But….I used all my iron crafting them. Now I’m done for! I’m not even supposed to have swords!”
Katy rolled her eyes and said “Fine! We’ll take your swords. But,that just makes the time shorter. Now it's tomorrow morning instead of afternoon.”
Steve gulped and said “Okay”
Kathy took the swords and left.
Then Chip came in and said “Steve, I really don’t want to go.”
“I know that…But, I have no idea what you want”
“The adults want-”
Then Harry came in and said “Chip! Do NOT tell him what he has to do for us to not leave!”
Chip asked “May the kids spend the night here?”
“Sure…Well only if he’s okay with it.”
“Okay. This may be the last night I see any of you so whatever.”
Then it hit Steve, the adults wanted an apology. He quickly wrote one and eaad it to the villagers.
The adults said “Aww so very close.”
Steve said “What's wrong with it!?”
All the villagers said “How do we put this?....You used to be nicer back when you were a kid and now you aren’t as nice”
Tristan said “I’m sorry I told my parents what you did. I didn’t think they would move away…I thought they would give you a few extra chances” and started to cry.
Steve said “I forgive you Tristan. At least I still have the photo of me with all of you guys.”
Kahy said “He seems really sorry about this. Maybe if he deals with Tristan’s nightmares about what he made him do we’ll stay.”
All the villagers said “We’ll discuss once Steve goes back to his house”
Steve trudged back to his house. Alex, Carol and Oliver were still where they were when they were comforting Steve.
Steve sat back down on the couch and started to cry.
About an hour later, Kathy came to the door. Alex answered it.
Kathy came over to Steve and lovingly put her hand on Steve’s shoulder and delicately said “We’re sorry now it’s an almost guaranteed no.. The ONLY way for us to stay here is you making the perfect dinner for the whole village.”
Steve nodded and said “I understand. I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Kathy nodded and said “No! Tonight and it has to be done within three hours!”
Steve sniffled and said “How can I make dinner for everyone when making dinner for just the kids took four hours!?.”
“I don’t know. That’s for you to figure out!”
“Okay”
Kathy left and Steve began to cry harder than he had ever cried.
Alex said “I got this”
Kathy poked her head in and said “Oh yeah and if anyone else even helps you…. We’re moving as soon as dinner is done. Good luck, you’re gonna need it”
Alex says “Well Steve… I guess it’s up to you”
Steve began to cry even harder and said “Each family has a different idea of the perfect dinner and I will never be able to make all of them within three hours!”
Alex said “Just make sandwiches!”
